Trying Not to Try
It would be nice to have a decent amount of time where I’m not worrying about my cervical mucus. I'm just sayin'.
I’m currently sitting at my desk looking at bottles of Vitamin E, Evening Primrose Oil and Grapeseed extract and wondering, does any of it really help? Should I eat pineapple? Should I down cough syrup every hour on the hour? How about Raspberry leaves? Baby aspirin? Headstands? Sex with his socks on? Honestly, how many anecdotal cures and old wives tales can one person try without eventually buying some magic beans and having a nervous breakdown?
In the time we’ve been working towards getting pregnant, we’ve tried the old fashioned way, ovulation predication kits, sperm-friendly lubricants, three inseminations (IUI’s) and one long and arduous IVF. At present, we’re taking a break from everything but unprotected sex. Ahhh sex… I must say that it’s nice to be spontaneous and fun again. It’s also nice to be literally back on top without fear of how the gravitational pull will affect Sam’s sperm. After a month of IVF hell – I deserve to be on top.
The trouble with trying for so long though is it’s hard not to try. After months and months of practice, I know by heart all the tell tale signs that I’m about to ovulate. I can even tell without use of a thermometer and without peeing on anything or anyone for that matter. That’s how good I’ve gotten. How do I ignore this information after making it my main focus for so long? When I feel my one of my ovaries cramping from ovulation, what should I do? Put my hands over my ears and sing, “La, la, laaaa… I’m ignoring you mittelschmerz…”
What’s in our favor for not trying is my husband has to go out of town on business around the time that I typically ovulate, so unless there’s one miracle Rambo-like super sperm that plans on hanging around till an unsuspecting egg crosses his path, this month isn’t ideal for conception. So again, keeping these factors in mind, that he’ll be gone around the time I ovulate and that we’re technically “taking a break”, how do I NOT think about this? Do I still try to make for ideal conditions on the off chance that we could actually find success on our own? Or do I just totally give up for awhile? I mean, I had three fertilized eggs inside me last month and none of them cared to implant. What are the odds that this month, with my husband’s sperm will be out of town and without the aid of progesterone and steroids, I’ll actually get pregnant? Slim to none people. SLIM TO NONE.
In the time we’ve been working towards getting pregnant, we’ve tried the old fashioned way, ovulation predication kits, sperm-friendly lubricants, three inseminations (IUI’s) and one long and arduous IVF. At present, we’re taking a break from everything but unprotected sex. Ahhh sex… I must say that it’s nice to be spontaneous and fun again. It’s also nice to be literally back on top without fear of how the gravitational pull will affect Sam’s sperm. After a month of IVF hell – I deserve to be on top.
The trouble with trying for so long though is it’s hard not to try. After months and months of practice, I know by heart all the tell tale signs that I’m about to ovulate. I can even tell without use of a thermometer and without peeing on anything or anyone for that matter. That’s how good I’ve gotten. How do I ignore this information after making it my main focus for so long? When I feel my one of my ovaries cramping from ovulation, what should I do? Put my hands over my ears and sing, “La, la, laaaa… I’m ignoring you mittelschmerz…”
What’s in our favor for not trying is my husband has to go out of town on business around the time that I typically ovulate, so unless there’s one miracle Rambo-like super sperm that plans on hanging around till an unsuspecting egg crosses his path, this month isn’t ideal for conception. So again, keeping these factors in mind, that he’ll be gone around the time I ovulate and that we’re technically “taking a break”, how do I NOT think about this? Do I still try to make for ideal conditions on the off chance that we could actually find success on our own? Or do I just totally give up for awhile? I mean, I had three fertilized eggs inside me last month and none of them cared to implant. What are the odds that this month, with my husband’s sperm will be out of town and without the aid of progesterone and steroids, I’ll actually get pregnant? Slim to none people. SLIM TO NONE.
So, I guess this cycle, there will be no Vitamin E, no comparing my cervical mucus to the egg whites in my fridge and no over the top hopefulness. This cycle will just have to be about crazy monkey sex. I guess things could be worse....
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