Aunt Flo Again… Naturally
There are good moods and there are bad moods. Then, there’s the mood I’m in today. If there were a color coated system of my moods, it would be on flaming pissed off red right now. Everyone – you’re on high alert! Grab your duct tape and find a safe house!
On Saturday morning, my temperature dipped. Many don’t believe in the temperature taking system to track ovulation, implantation and pregnancy but it’s rarely been wrong for me. I just wish that basal thermometer didn’t just show you what your temp is in a cold, hard, impersonal font. I wish it had an audio feature that broke it to you gently. “I’m sorry kitten. Your temperature dipped. It didn’t work out this time. If I had arms, I’d hug you but alas, I don’t. If you want to put me back in your mouth though, I’ll do my best to taste like chocolate to cheer you up.”
Even though I knew the temperature drop wasn’t great, it was still above the cover line so I was still holding out hope. It was when I saw some spotting that night that I knew the party was over… or at the very least, it was happening in someone else’s uterus.
Every time I get my period, it means I’m signing up for four more weeks of torture. It’s a f*cked up monthly renewal plan. I get my period and then my body asks, “Do you want to renew peeing on ovulation tests, having timed intercourse, getting blood work, the hellacious two week wait and then fail again?” Seriously. What’s a girl got to do to get the pregnancy subscription? I’m done with the trying to conceive membership. The fees and disappointment have been too costly.
There sincerely were a few moments in the week leading up to my period where I really could taste the success. I could see me peeing on a stick and actually getting a positive result for once in my life. I pictured telling my friends, the maternity outfits I’d wear and how incredibly happy I’d be. In retrospect, I’m ticked at myself for getting that hopeful. I know better. I just had a feeling about this cycle but obviously, my feelings are not to be depended upon. They are as reliable as a generic fortune cookie or a bad psychic. “You’ll meet someone who will have a last name..."
So many people, including myself, thought that removing the polyp that took up residence in my uterus, a squatter if you will, would mean I’d be pregnant in no time but this was the second month polyp-free and still nothing. Could one more cycle be the key? Is there something else we’re missing now? AM I EVER GOING TO GET PREGNANT WITHOUT LOSING ALL MY MONEY AND MY SANITY?
Tomorrow, I go to my doctor and we’ll discuss options. Do I try one more cycle on our own or do I go back to doing inseminations? I know my doctor would love to just go ahead and do invitro but I simply don’t have the money. It’s utterly depressing to spend your hard earned money on things that aren’t successful. I’ve almost drained all our finances to cover three inseminations and one disastrous IVF simply to fail and frankly, I appear to be failing quite fine without paying any money, thank you very much.
I will see what he says and once again, try to get pregnant. At this moment though, I’m just one unhappy, resentful, pissed off woman. You’ve all been warned. Take cover.
On Saturday morning, my temperature dipped. Many don’t believe in the temperature taking system to track ovulation, implantation and pregnancy but it’s rarely been wrong for me. I just wish that basal thermometer didn’t just show you what your temp is in a cold, hard, impersonal font. I wish it had an audio feature that broke it to you gently. “I’m sorry kitten. Your temperature dipped. It didn’t work out this time. If I had arms, I’d hug you but alas, I don’t. If you want to put me back in your mouth though, I’ll do my best to taste like chocolate to cheer you up.”
Even though I knew the temperature drop wasn’t great, it was still above the cover line so I was still holding out hope. It was when I saw some spotting that night that I knew the party was over… or at the very least, it was happening in someone else’s uterus.
Every time I get my period, it means I’m signing up for four more weeks of torture. It’s a f*cked up monthly renewal plan. I get my period and then my body asks, “Do you want to renew peeing on ovulation tests, having timed intercourse, getting blood work, the hellacious two week wait and then fail again?” Seriously. What’s a girl got to do to get the pregnancy subscription? I’m done with the trying to conceive membership. The fees and disappointment have been too costly.
There sincerely were a few moments in the week leading up to my period where I really could taste the success. I could see me peeing on a stick and actually getting a positive result for once in my life. I pictured telling my friends, the maternity outfits I’d wear and how incredibly happy I’d be. In retrospect, I’m ticked at myself for getting that hopeful. I know better. I just had a feeling about this cycle but obviously, my feelings are not to be depended upon. They are as reliable as a generic fortune cookie or a bad psychic. “You’ll meet someone who will have a last name..."
So many people, including myself, thought that removing the polyp that took up residence in my uterus, a squatter if you will, would mean I’d be pregnant in no time but this was the second month polyp-free and still nothing. Could one more cycle be the key? Is there something else we’re missing now? AM I EVER GOING TO GET PREGNANT WITHOUT LOSING ALL MY MONEY AND MY SANITY?
Tomorrow, I go to my doctor and we’ll discuss options. Do I try one more cycle on our own or do I go back to doing inseminations? I know my doctor would love to just go ahead and do invitro but I simply don’t have the money. It’s utterly depressing to spend your hard earned money on things that aren’t successful. I’ve almost drained all our finances to cover three inseminations and one disastrous IVF simply to fail and frankly, I appear to be failing quite fine without paying any money, thank you very much.
I will see what he says and once again, try to get pregnant. At this moment though, I’m just one unhappy, resentful, pissed off woman. You’ve all been warned. Take cover.
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