The Places You’ll Go To Give a Sperm Sample (Dr. Seuss Style)
To me though, “Estrogen Priming” is when you decide to spend the week before you start your latest IVF by watching movies such as Thelma & Louise, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Bridget Jones's Diary and The French Lieutenant's Woman.
Since we’re currently on “Estrogen Overload” at our house right now, I thought we’d do something a little testosterone related on the blog. That’s right -- this one is for the fellas and the women who love them (and their sperm counts)!
I’m very proud to say that not only is the below written by my very funny and talented husband but it’s also about the many places you’ll go to produce a sperm sample. Even better, it’s written as a Dr. Seuss book! Why you may ask? Why the hell not! When it comes to struggling with infertility, there’s no reason not to get all ‘Cat on the Hat’ on its ass!
So go to the kitchen, make yourself some green eggs & ham and enjoy!
Oh, the Places You’ll Go! (To Give a Sperm Sample)
Oh the places you’ll go!
Most of you will never know.
Just to give a sample,
One that is ample.
One that will do the job,
One that will get you a boy named Bob,
Or Judy, or Rudy
Or Harry, or Larry
You’ll give a sample in the lab,
Maybe in the back of a cab,
Perhaps on the train,
Possibly in the rain.
You’ll give a sample to a nurse,
Carry it in a purse,
And I have a hunch,
You’ll give one at lunch!
Maybe two at night?
You know I’m right.
You’ll do it on the spot,
You’ll do it when it’s hot,
You’ll do when it’s cold,
You'll do it to porn that’s old!
You won’t believe what it can take,
For the baby you want to make.
In a coffee shop or a diner,
Even in North Carolina!
If you want to give a sample at home,
Just make sure you unplug the phone!
It could be your Mom or Dad,
Which would kill any mojo you had
So do what you can,
To step up and be the man.
Give it your very best,
Just don’t make a mess.
You won’t believe the things you will do,
To give a sample of you...
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