My Beloved Jekyll-Pup. May You Run Through The Fields Forever
I will spend the rest of my days trying to be as kind, loving, and affectionate as my dear pup Jekyll was in every moment of his life. He was a gift to all of us. He was the kind of soul that makes a mark, leaves an impression, reminds you that there is only good in the world. He was the source of my measure for genuine unconditional joy. He loved life. Every second, every person, every molecule of biology in every single thing.
And his mom,, well, she loved him for all that he was,, and her life will never be the same without him.
It was the end of a battle. This morning the house of cards fell, collapsed, forced the goodbyes.
I cannot utter that word. I cannot say g-o-o-d-b-y-e. It is impossible, permanent, inescapable. So I just repeated that "I love you." The song to lullaby a sleep while we are apart.
It is eerily quiet. A catacomb has invaded and possessed my home.
It is too quiet. Unsettling so.
As if the air was sucked out of all of us. One great cataclysmic finale to end an era. Mark the passing.
I struggle to find footing here. Tip-toe through the rubble and the ashes. Find, clear, remove last remnants, sobbing all the while.
There is always an end. The end of all great things, tragedy when the end marks the last moments of a life you can't imagine yours without.
I had to say farewell. Had to. Not wanted to, Never wanting to.
I always fail to see that "loss of the light in their eyes", that begging for release. Maybe I am too analytical, too attached, too selfish? I just saw my beloved little one with no options left. There was no buying time, no fixing, no hidden tricks up my sleeves.
It was fear meets desperation and a finality I had tricked out of landing on our shoulders too many times before.
And I am here. Left behind. Feeling a loss so lonely I want to draw it around me and drown in it. Just to be quiet here with the memory, my last grips of his soul, the indelible mark he leaves me with. An open wound that doesn't have enough viable tissue around it to close. The hole so big I cannot cry out of it. Crawl under from, walk out of without feeling as if I left me there too.
He came to me in the palm of his breeders hand. A cold man. Hardened. Rough. He had brought him into this world and brought him into mine as a scrap of a defective piece he no longer wanted to be burdened with. He was so small and insignificant his life amounted to a few sentences over the reception table. His breeder wanted quick cheap answers and wouldn't even leave him the dignity or respect to make the 30 foot walk to an exam room.
He was a puppy with a problem that prohibited sale and the man was looking for an option to rid him of the burden any longer.
I scooped him up, took him home and built a life around his needs, his love for living, and we ended just like we began. Interdependent on each other for life, and wondering how someone so little could be so vital to our living?
Jekyll leaves behind a legacy. Some we shared here, most we shared in the times I was off duty from being a vet, but all with fingerprints on the lives he met along the way.
He was always searching for his next friend. A boy who loved everyone. Loved every adventure. Never missed a day to smell the grass, walk the road, and go to the clinic. He was loved more than his little life leaves room to articulate.
He was loved because that was all he knew how to do.
He is missed because he was the joy that made life beautiful. Even when he was being bad. (Which he also loved to do).
Your mom loves you Jek pup.. and she misses you.
Thank you to everyone who asked, came to visit, and sent well wishes. His family is grateful for him, the time we had with him, and for all of you for letting us share it with you.
I understand why people close off their hearts after losing their love. I can't ever get him back. I am forever scarred by this loss. I want HIM back, not any dog, just him. He was irreplaceable. Irresistible. He loved to go anywhere we went. He loved. I miss him more than these words can signify. He was my beloved little velvet eared, wagging tailed beagle-boy.
May you be free from pain, wandering the skies, and eternally loved... Your mom misses you, and she loves you.. but most of all I am so grateful to have known you.
And his mom,, well, she loved him for all that he was,, and her life will never be the same without him.
I cannot utter that word. I cannot say g-o-o-d-b-y-e. It is impossible, permanent, inescapable. So I just repeated that "I love you." The song to lullaby a sleep while we are apart.
It is eerily quiet. A catacomb has invaded and possessed my home.
It is too quiet. Unsettling so.
As if the air was sucked out of all of us. One great cataclysmic finale to end an era. Mark the passing.
I struggle to find footing here. Tip-toe through the rubble and the ashes. Find, clear, remove last remnants, sobbing all the while.
There is always an end. The end of all great things, tragedy when the end marks the last moments of a life you can't imagine yours without.
I had to say farewell. Had to. Not wanted to, Never wanting to.
I always fail to see that "loss of the light in their eyes", that begging for release. Maybe I am too analytical, too attached, too selfish? I just saw my beloved little one with no options left. There was no buying time, no fixing, no hidden tricks up my sleeves.
It was fear meets desperation and a finality I had tricked out of landing on our shoulders too many times before.
And I am here. Left behind. Feeling a loss so lonely I want to draw it around me and drown in it. Just to be quiet here with the memory, my last grips of his soul, the indelible mark he leaves me with. An open wound that doesn't have enough viable tissue around it to close. The hole so big I cannot cry out of it. Crawl under from, walk out of without feeling as if I left me there too.
He came to me in the palm of his breeders hand. A cold man. Hardened. Rough. He had brought him into this world and brought him into mine as a scrap of a defective piece he no longer wanted to be burdened with. He was so small and insignificant his life amounted to a few sentences over the reception table. His breeder wanted quick cheap answers and wouldn't even leave him the dignity or respect to make the 30 foot walk to an exam room.
He was a puppy with a problem that prohibited sale and the man was looking for an option to rid him of the burden any longer.
I scooped him up, took him home and built a life around his needs, his love for living, and we ended just like we began. Interdependent on each other for life, and wondering how someone so little could be so vital to our living?
Jekyll leaves behind a legacy. Some we shared here, most we shared in the times I was off duty from being a vet, but all with fingerprints on the lives he met along the way.
He was always searching for his next friend. A boy who loved everyone. Loved every adventure. Never missed a day to smell the grass, walk the road, and go to the clinic. He was loved more than his little life leaves room to articulate.
He was loved because that was all he knew how to do.
He is missed because he was the joy that made life beautiful. Even when he was being bad. (Which he also loved to do).
Your mom loves you Jek pup.. and she misses you.
I understand why people close off their hearts after losing their love. I can't ever get him back. I am forever scarred by this loss. I want HIM back, not any dog, just him. He was irreplaceable. Irresistible. He loved to go anywhere we went. He loved. I miss him more than these words can signify. He was my beloved little velvet eared, wagging tailed beagle-boy.
May you be free from pain, wandering the skies, and eternally loved... Your mom misses you, and she loves you.. but most of all I am so grateful to have known you.
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